Mixed up in Miami: Pros and Cons

Sick of winter? Jealous of those of us in tropical climates? Miami seduces even the toughest Canadian with the temptation of a permanent escape from the Abominable Snowman. But if you are thinking of moving, don't waste time comparing a list of pros and a list of cons. What you need is a list of Pros and Cons because yes, Miami is that confusing.

1. Spanish is Everywhere

On the radio, across billboards, in the restaurant and the supermarket and the streets. As of the 2010 census, 63.77% of the population in Miami-Dade County speaks Spanish. Am I practicing? Not really. Sure, the woman taking our order doesn't speak English, but it doesn't seem like she'll be charmed a gringa struggling to sputter some Spanish at her.

2. Diversity
Miami has one of the highest percentages of foreign born population in the world. This doesn't mean that it's the most diverse, but it blasts many other places (like South Korea) out of the water. For example, there is access to basically any kind of food you could want. In the past few weeks I've enjoyed Korean, Japanese, Greek, German/Austrian, Mexican, Cuban, Italian, Brazilian, Indian, Thai, and probably more.

3. Weather
You (could) wear shorts every day, seeing as it's 80 degrees most of the time. I don't even own a jacket anymore. Sometimes that doesn't work out so well, but it's a luxury to be warm every morning when you get out of bed. I get sweaty on my walk to work even though it's 8:30 AM in January. The constant climate for body-baring does lead to some places basically becoming Barbie Land. I happened upon a Model Beach Volleyball competition, and probably see a Maserati per day, on average.

4. Tourism
The beaches are here and you can go all the time. Sparkling water, direct sunlight, and sand. The water is everywhere but you can't have it. There's no parking, or there's only expensive parking, and you have to drive past miles of privately owned seaside before you reach a public, tolled, and likely crowded beach. Tourist attractions cost money, and not chump change. It's about $20 a person to get into two of Miami's most lauded destinations, Fairchild Tropical Botanical Garden and Vizcaya Museum and Gardens. Hope they didn't want me to visit more than once, because I'm gonna avoid spending that lunch money and keep my eyes peeled for the rumored free admission days.

5. Landscape
There are adorable little lizards and other surprising and fascinating flora and fauna everywhere. Check out this short documentary about fluorescent local coral! However, many of these creatures are either invasive or endangered... and if not that, then they are going to be underwater in about 100 years.






























6. City Layout

"The time is always now!"

The city is sprawl, limited here and there by either ocean or alligator territory, and the traffic is a formidable and seemingly unpredictable beast, from work day rush hours to random fifteen minute back-ups for no apparent reason. On top of this, people drive like they're Sterling Archer, or like they can only see the edges of the road, not the lines or the other cars. This shouldn't be too big of a problem because Miami has both a metro line and a bus system, but despite that fact public transportation is essentially nonexistent. I admit I might be simply spoiled from my residence in Seoul, a public transport utopia, but the facts are unavoidably underwhelming. You can't take the metro to the Miami Beach, the city's most important tourism spot. If you take a bus, there's a good chance it's late, inordinately expensive, and the air conditioner has probably been dripping water all over the empty seats at the back of the bus.

To conclude, Miami isn't like Korea, which isn't surprising, but it isn't like the U.S. of A, either. In Korea I was a 'real' foreigner, and it garnered for me all kinds of sympathy, assistance, friends and excuses for my embarrassing moments. In Miami, I'm a 'fake' foreigner. Still searching for the hip spots to hang? Don't know the most efficient ways of getting around? Can't communicate effortlessly with someone? Wait a minute...aren't you from this country?! A redeeming quality: this unfamiliarity is where I can begin to explore, and (hopefully) find that keen feeling of accomplishment, the one that comes at the end of the day, when your ankles are dusty from walking, your feet are tired, and your mind is buzzing with the aftermath of adventure.

Laughing All the Way: Christmas Through the Art of a Child

In my house, we always decorate for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. That's the day CDs of carols play on repeat, dishes adorned with wreathes invade our cabinets, and just about every surface becomes a display center for holiday cheer: religious or secular, broken or repaired, last year's gift or great-great-grandma's sister's husband's whatever, and store bought or school project--which we can just interpret as "decent looking" or "embarrassing". Therefore, the decorations created by me and my two brothers throughout our elementary years are relegated to the kitchen.

Catholic school, lack of artistic ability, and a child's perspective adds a certain luster to objects below. So without further ado, I present: Laughing All the Way: Christmas Through the Art of a Child

I was 8 so this card is circa 1999

Here we have two angels descended to Earth in the form of obnoxiously large greeting cards, with a disproportionate amount of poorly written greetings. Brought to you by my middle brother, Michael, and yours truly. Mine reads:                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     "Dear Family,                                                                                                                                                          Even though I have only been with you eight years, I still look                                         back at the other Christmases and think of what fun we had. I love                                       you very much and am sorry for doing anything wrong. So I want to                                       wish you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year."                                                                                                                                                                                                                                              My handwriting, you'll note, is neat but poorly planned, and as I was too lazy to color another page of these ginormous angels, I gracefully shortened my message and crammed it all in at the bottom of the page. Apparent themes of Misperception of Life Span Relative to Most Other Humans, Blatant Plagiarism of Christmas-Related Media, and Catholic Guilt thread through the prose. Also, I have always been bad at drawing, but apparently I was bad at coloring, too. On to Mike.

Mike's note is a bit more direct. He does not take full advantage of the space allotted for the heartwarming tidings to his family. He writes:

      "Merry Christmas and a Happy new year. It does
      not take a good boy to make a good Christmas card!"

Ah, yes. Christmas clarity. 

Moving into a more academic realm, we find a teacher's clever incentive for reading and responding, the holiday book report. Here, mom has painstakingly preserved the work of Mike and our youngest brother, John.

We must commend the boys on their outstanding grades which were teacher, parent, and self monitored through this official smiley-face-rubric. Mom makes a small appearance to point out that Mike draws a better Grinch than she can, thereby explaining that unfortunate family trait. Highlights from the summaries include

          "The Grinch tride [sic] to stel [sic] Christmas. The Grinch took all ther [sic] presents and ther feast."

          "The story takes place outside"

I have to admit, my favorite part is the signature:

"Michool Rogony" starting bid $5000

Now check this out. This greenery burdens a kitchen every year--Oh, look, candy! Wait a sec....How long has that been there? 1999!?!?

Two final gems to wrap up this holiday treat. I want to say that they speak for themselves, but is that Genghis Khan? Maybe just a Mongol warrior?

In the end, we know the true spirit of the season.  Spreading Christmas love and cheer, and signing your last name for the people who don't remember you from last year. 

Norebang Tour of Korea

In my last post from my time in Korea, I present to you, dear reader, the best part of Korea: 노래방 / Norebang. I can't begin to express to you the wonder of these private karaoke rooms, rented to the weekend-evening-enthusiasts for a low cost and a high profit. My own relationship with Norebang developed as it became clear that my fellow merrymakers and I prioritized a norebang stop in every place we visited throughout Korea (excepting Mudfest. Boryeong  노래방, you escaped our love). I hope these few snapshots help you to share in the glory that is Norebang, and may you one day come to know it's wonder.

Final note: I did not take all of these pictures. All the high-quality, actually pleasant to view photos belong to Michael O'Donnell.